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May 31

How long is now?

When was the last time you were blissfully happy?

I’m talking about that my-cup-runneth-over sort of feeling when you’re overwhelmingly full of joy. Life seems to be completely on your side. There’s nothing more you could ask for. You’re loved, blessed, gifted beyond measure.

We all have had these experiences and, to be honest, many of us spend our lives seeking contentment. It looks different for all of us. For some it’s about achievement and perceived security, for others it’s about health or love. Happiness comes in all sorts of packages with one common denominator: the future. Usually happiness is not here and now but somewhere in future, waiting to be claimed, discovered, arrived at. Alternatively happiness can live in the past, where it’s something to be reminisced. The good old days when life used to be fun.

In our path to happiness many obstacles come to surface: I don’t deserve this. Something’s going to go wrong. This is going to be taken away from me. I have to atone for my bad deeds before I have the right to be happy.

What does happiness mean to you? A time when you’re somehow complete and ready?

I’ve learned that happiness is largely a choice. We will never be complete and ready. We will eternally be work in progress, and our perfection lives within in that very imperfection. We have to undestand that the light of happiness can sometimes reveal our inner weaknesses, pain and wounds. When happiness arrives, we may suddenly become consumed by fear of loss, low self esteem and anger at our past. Why was I treated so badly in the past? It didn’t work before so why would it work now?

Understand that sometimes happiness requires a healthy dosage of courage. It can feel much safer to live with little to lose. Right now is all that matters, and as present is the only time there ever is it means it’s eternal. Right now you’re always ok. Right now there’s nothing to lose and there’s no authority deciding who can be happy and who cannot.  Understand that a happy life means a healed life, and sometimes the process of healing can make you feel a bit raw and insecure. Realise the conditions for happiness are set by you alone, and that real life is about rainy days too. It’s commitment that counts – commitment to yourself.

 

Apr 14

Happy thoughts

These days everyone seems to be talking about the Law of Attraction and how the Universe responds to our thoughts and feelings by giving us exactly what we ask for. Some books and teachers say that the Universe does not know the difference between positive and negative thought patterns – it just responds to whatever vibe we happen to be giving out. ‘Be happy, think good thoughts, replace a negative emotion with a positive one’, they say, and you’ll then get whatever you want.

I agree with this outlook in principal, as my life so far has been a testament to the fact that impossible things are possible if you just trust and believe. However, faith alone is not enough – we need to be ready and willing to commit to ourselves and acknowledge the fact that sometimes change is scary, and there’s often quite a lot of work to do before we are ready to allow the good things into our lives. The Universe may bring us great love or prosperity, but if we have not worked on our self esteem or feelings of lack we may once again end up broken hearted and bankrupt.

Clients often tell me they’ve studied the Law of Attraction, made their vision boards, said their positive affirmations and tried to replace their negative thoughts with positive ones, but it’s not working. This has left them feeling like they’ve done something wrong, or that life is somehow against them. Frightened questions about bad karma or past deeds often follow.

This highlights the fundamental paradox around the New Age teachings about creating better lives for ourselves. Everyone knows love attracts love and trust attracts trust, but if we’re broken, traumatised and scared it often takes quite a lot more than a positive affirmation to change our experiences. In order to move forward we first need to accept where we are now – we need to work on accepting our pain, disbelief and wounds and meet them with compassion and understanding with appropriate support or even therapy, if needed . We need to forgive ourselves, or accept that we’re not quite ready to go there yet. Real change, manifestation and allowing in the good can only happen if we’ve come to terms with our incompleteness.

The Law of Attraction works and it’s powerful. However, it’s important not to forget we’re human and deal with human issues. The Law of Attraction is not about performance or good karma or bad karma and the Universe does not conspire on your behalf or against you. It simply does what it does perfectly. If everything happens for a reason, then our human struggle with letting in the good is also a part of it. Vision boards and affirmations are fantastic and powerful, but they’re not a shortcut to becoming whole, and on my opinion our greatest task here is become whole and authentic.

Accept where you are now, or if you cannot, then accept that you don’t accept yourself yet. That’s also okay.

Apr 2

Power over, power under, power within

Many years ago someone asked me an important question:
What’s the difference between power over, power under and power within?

I still think about this almost on a daily basis. My work offers me a privilege of coming across people from all walks of life, all looking for answers. There is definitely a spiritual shift going on with people searching for a purpose or meaning. We are all trying to make sense of things that have no sense.

It is worrying that in our search for meaning we sometimes forget healthy scepticism and criticism and readily hand our power to healers, therapists and doctors. We look for answers from a perceived authority, forgetting that they’re human beings just like us. Some healers also like to put themselves on a pedestal, implying they are gifted by God, the angels or the Universe. Often these gifts come with a hefty price tag attached and uninvited efforts to clear us from negative energy, bad karma, evil spirits or other spooks. We listen and believe, not realising we’re allowing ourselves to be overpowered.

Listen to yourself when choosing a therapist or a healer. Stay grounded.

If someone claims to have all the answers, they most likely don’t. I’d also think twice about any spiritual practice that fosters feelings of guilt, fear or shame, or makes you feel excluded if you decide to change your path. Accepting our own imperfection is the most important step.
We’re not called to be perfect, we’re only called to be human.

Nobody can tell you what you should do, when you’re going to meet your perfect man or win the lottery. Sometimes all you need is common sense, and if that doesn’t work a good therapist can help you connect with your own vision and wisdom – the power within you.

 

 

 

Feb 12

1 Comment

Intolerant tolerance

My native Finland recently held its presidential elections. The runner up is a skilled and diplomatic politician, and he also happens to have a male life partner. What happened in the media and particularly the social networking sites was quite remarkable – suddenly everyone was preaching about tolerance, acceptance and love. All good and important themes that most of us perceive as virtues of course, but observing the debate made me realise how easily our emotions take over and the best of intentions turn into personal crusades.

If we are really honest, many of us only tolerate people who share our views. Think about any issue you are passionate about – human rights, animal rights, environmental issues, health, money, spirituality, politics- and the intense feelings it stirs up in you, particularly when you see or hear something that pushes your buttons. Can you say you do not judge? How tolerant are you when facing injustice?

If we say we don’t judge, then that non-judgment should extend to everyone, even those we do not agree with. Love cannot win if we focus on its opposite. Argument only breeds further argument. This is not to say we should condone actions that are not in alignment with our values – it’s just that the line between creating a more unified world and becoming the very thing we fight against is very thin.

Sometimes we become intolerant in our tolerance. Open your heart and extend love.

Feb 5

1 Comment

Slowing down

I’ve spent the past month in the tropical paradise that is South-East Asia. This region once was my home for seven years, and returning here has made me realise how much of it I missed while living here. I’ve previously failed to engage with some of the amazing colours, scents, sounds, elements of nature and the powerful energies of the Earth here. Why? Because at the time I was an achiever who worked for 12 hours a day without ever pausing to consider the point of it all, because I would have realised there was no point and that would have made me feel very insecure indeed.

I bet that sounds pretty familiar to a lot of people.

This time it’s been different. The humid, soft and occasionally overpowering heat combined with a perfect balance of daylight and pitch-black nights, white sandy beaches, turquoise sea and good food has been a delight for my urbanised senses.

Slowing down has been so good. Island rhythm is gentle and steady, and the weather alone is enough to help us let go of stress. However, the most important thing is what happens inside our heads. We can find this sort of stillness anywhere, if we just stop listening to the noise and hear the silence that is within us. We have just been lead to believe we have to travel in order to find ourselves.

‘A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.’ George Moore

Look at the world a bit differently today. When walking on the street, stop and look up, observe the buildings, colour of the sky, textures, surfaces and and sounds. Instead of turning on the TV, spend a moment looking into the mirror and seeing yourself. The world, politics, weather and other people are going to do what they do regardless of the amount of stress or worry you invest. Invest into love instead.

Dec 31

3 Comments

Hello, 2012

It’s finally here – the much dreaded, long awaited, anticipated , celebrated and speculated end year of the Mayan calendar. For some it’s just another year of course, but there is something for us all to contemplate in the shift that is already happening around the planet.

For me the symbolic meaning of 2012 is not only about the ending, but especially about the beginning. It’s about allowing the natural cycle of rebirth to manifest at all levels of my life, seeing an even bigger picture, allowing things to arrive at their natural end in order to allow something new to be born. It’s about waking up to realise we need to look after our environment and go back to basics.

2012 is about shifting our personal focus from greed into serving humanity – and serving doesn’t mean sacrifice but the universal law of giving and receiving. We are being called to drop our stagnant ideas of what the world should look like and how people should run their lives and relationships. We’re being taught to shift our consciousness and perspective to a more unified, tolerant and unconditional state, where old learned patterns will be dropped in favour of true acceptance of ourselves and all life.

We are learning to take back our power from our circumstances, and cultivate it in a way that makes us powerful but not overpowering. A truly powerful being does not play power games but uses their wisdom to grow into a more authentic life. We are turning to God, Goddess, the Universe, deities, angelic beings, spirit guides and totem animals only to realise all of them exist within us.

I wish you an empowered and incredibly loving 2012! Thank you for sharing pieces of your life with me in 2011.

Dec 21

3 Comments

Let there be light

For most of us light means hope. Winter Solstice moves us back into the season of growing daylight, and candles are lit for Christmas.

There’s also a much more symbolic perspective to light. Light that shines from within. Lightness of being.
It’s the proverbial torch we carry when we help others in need of support or bravely take the road less discovered. We have a light bulb moment.
And, of course, there are the lights of our lives – the ones we love, the ones that make our hearts sing and souls lighten up.

Sometimes light can be so bright it blinds us for a while. It may even be harsh and reveal what we’d like to keep hidden from ourselves and from the world. Once light enters our darkness, nothing looks the same. We just have to let it in. No matter how scary, usually the monster under the bed is just an untrue thought.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
(Marianne Williamson)

Thank you for sharing your light with me over the past year. I wish you a blessed holiday season.

Dec 1

3 Comments

Saying no is just the other bank of the river…

It’s not rude to say no, unless you say it in a rude way, says Sadie Nardini in this video clip that most of us can learn something from.

People pleasing is something we learn while growing up, often perceiving the ability to say no as something negative. How many times have you judged someone or dismissed them as selfish when they’ve simply stated their truth?

Saying yes to life can sometimes mean saying no to situations, people or circumstances. Yes and no are just two sides of the same coin.

Nov 21

2 Comments

Barriers vs. boundaries

Your task is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
-A Course in Miracles

Love, sweet love. It is so much more than romance – in fact I’d argue that on many occasions romance, as sweet as it is, has more to do with lust and infatuation. However, as it still is one of the most delicious (and delirious!) manifestations of the wonderful energy that love is, let’s spend a moment thinking about why the thing that most people really want -a real union with another soul- is also the very thing that also frightens them and brings up all their emotional baggage, insecurities and issues.

So many people are afraid of the exposure and vulnerability that a real connection with another human being brings. Instead of focusing on having secure boundaries such as being able to say no, they build barriers to hide behind. They lead themselves into believing that they are not lovable, that if anyone ever saw how broken, imperfect, dirty, ugly or weak they are, they would never love or want them. They -all of us- abandon parts of themselves in order to become what they believe the other person wants. They allow their pain and unhealed wounds of their history to dictate their ability to receive love. Giving love is easy. Receiving it is a lot harder.

What barriers have you put up? What resistance to you hold to love?

Connecting with another human being includes an element of risk. Opening yourself up to potential pain is never easy, but there are a few better mirrors than a genuine love relationship. Do you always choose unsuitable partners in order to avoid exposure and end up begging for their approval? Are you always the one to walk away? Be authentic and truthful with yourself – it could just be your inner being longing to be accepted and approved but terrified of being rejected.

Terrified of being rejected by you, longing to be accepted by you.

You are the love of your life, and once you get that the whole world is going to love you right back. It may not be in the form you expect, and not always in a romantic package, but real love it will be for sure!

Nov 11

2 Comments

Once upon a time is now

11/11/11 – A powerful day of unity,  healing and clear intentions.

Take a few moments today to reflect upon the pain you’re still holding on to: past hurts, disappointments, resentments and fears may all come to surface now, along with the truth and real colours of certain relationships.
Allow them to be, accept they are there and then let them go. You could try writing all this down and burning or tearing the paper outdoors, creating a powerfully symbolic gesture of release.

Acceptance and forgiveness mean liberating ourselves from what no longer serves us. It’s not about condoning violence, unlawful acts or cruelty, but rather unhooking from things, people and events that may have caused us to live in fear, anger and distress. If this feels very difficult, get some support around you – today is the beginning of a new way of being authentic and creating genuine connections to our fellow human beings.

We are now learning to realise that we are free, and with freedom comes personal and collective responsibility.

Then, spend a few moments clarifying your intentions for the future, using present tense. Allow yourself the love, support, abundance, health and healing. Notice any resistance that may surface, and meet it with compassion. Again, writing things down will boost your creative energy.

Once upon a time and happily ever after are here and now.

Who said pigs don’t fly?

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