Barriers vs. boundaries
Your task is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
-A Course in Miracles
Love, sweet love. It is so much more than romance – in fact I’d argue that on many occasions romance, as sweet as it is, has more to do with lust and infatuation. However, as it still is one of the most delicious (and delirious!) manifestations of the wonderful energy that love is, let’s spend a moment thinking about why the thing that most people really want -a real union with another soul- is also the very thing that also frightens them and brings up all their emotional baggage, insecurities and issues.
So many people are afraid of the exposure and vulnerability that a real connection with another human being brings. Instead of focusing on having secure boundaries such as being able to say no, they build barriers to hide behind. They lead themselves into believing that they are not lovable, that if anyone ever saw how broken, imperfect, dirty, ugly or weak they are, they would never love or want them. They -all of us- abandon parts of themselves in order to become what they believe the other person wants. They allow their pain and unhealed wounds of their history to dictate their ability to receive love. Giving love is easy. Receiving it is a lot harder.
What barriers have you put up? What resistance to you hold to love?
Connecting with another human being includes an element of risk. Opening yourself up to potential pain is never easy, but there are a few better mirrors than a genuine love relationship. Do you always choose unsuitable partners in order to avoid exposure and end up begging for their approval? Are you always the one to walk away? Be authentic and truthful with yourself – it could just be your inner being longing to be accepted and approved but terrified of being rejected.
Terrified of being rejected by you, longing to be accepted by you.
You are the love of your life, and once you get that the whole world is going to love you right back. It may not be in the form you expect, and not always in a romantic package, but real love it will be for sure!
